A year ago at this time I sat in our crummy little apartment in NE Philly marveling at the fact that my baby had just turned one. Christmas rapidly approaching, we had purchased 2 little toys for Faith as she was only 12 months old and had no interest in the holiday.
Fast forward just a year and I find myself in South Jersey in a spacious and lovely apartment, I'm 6 months pregnant with a baby boy (!), my husband works for an entirely different company than the one that brought us to Jersey in the first place, Faith turned two years old last week, and 90% of Daddy's last 3 pay checks have gone to purchasing her a gross abundance of toys and gifts.
Beyond our physical location or holiday spending atrocities, it is the growth that my child has undergone in this short year that astounds me. My once chubby little infant has grown into a lean toddler, her face simply shines when she smiles and laughs. I can hold a conversation with her (albeit a basic one) and she undersands and responds...a far cry from the tantrums and inconsolable fits of yesteryear. Her curiosity of her surroundings and constant desire to gain a working understanding of her world is endless as every day, every hour she is learning something new. She has become an independent and funny little kid, yet always finds her way back to my lap and wraps her arms around my neck demanding "hugs Mommy HUGS!"
She is sensitive and soft and when I look at her, it takes my breath to realize she really is a
perfect combination of both Ed and myself, all the very best parts and none of the bad...yet.
I cannot imagine loving another human being as much as I love this child. It is cliche and corny but so true...it almost physically hurts to love her this much. I begin to worry that I will be incapable of loving our son even a tenth of this. The logical side of me knows it is silly and that love will be automatic and unquestionable the moment I see him. The guilty side of me
feels as though I am short changing my daughter and somehow doing her a terrible injustice.
Silly...yes. Afterall, my brother and I were as thick as thieves when we were kids. As adults, we remained close, especially during times of struggle. We remain close now, despite living 2500 miles across country from each
other. I can only hope that Faith and her (yet to be named) brother will maintain a close and loving relationship.
I feel as though I had much more to say but somehow,it seems unimportant. Besides, there's a mountain of toys needing to be wrapped.